You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
