How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
