Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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