I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
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