My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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