Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
