I cannot find my penis.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize