official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Im part way to drunk.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
