people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
