We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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