Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
