its not stalking. its research.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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