I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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