I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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