I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
