I wanna bring you to show and tell
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
