Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
