i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
