so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
