I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
