He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
