I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
