I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
