I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
