I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I think my moral compass just broke
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
