just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
