Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
it glows. i had to have it.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
