My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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