well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
