There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Randomize
