Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Everclear isn't food dammit
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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