i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
