Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
