dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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