you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
It's shark week go big or go home
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
