This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize