apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
