I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
