Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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