We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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