eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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