first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
