whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
