WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize