Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize