I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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