If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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