She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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