im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
there's paper in my vomit.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
