on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Randomize
