How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
