I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
