no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
