now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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