He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
