So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize