ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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