So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
