who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize