If i come over, it means nothing
he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
do herpes really smell.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
