Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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