i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
