on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
