What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
