We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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