Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize