Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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