I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
