Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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